Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle, "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'-2", hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, 'My God...'."
" jokes[1]="A British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a brain out of one man, put it into another man and have him out looking for work in six weeks!"
A German doctor says, "Dat's nottink! Vee can take a brain out of von person, poot it into anoder and have him preparing for war in FOUR weeks!"
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind! We just took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work and the other half is preparing for war."
" jokes[2]="Last month a worldwide survey was conducted by the United Nations. The only question asked was: 'Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?'
The survey was a huge failure.
In Africa, they didn't know what 'food' meant.
In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what 'honest' meant.
In Western Europe, they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.
In China, they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.
In the Middle East, they didn't know what 'solution' meant.
In South America, they didn't know what 'please' meant.
In United States of America, they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
" jokes[3]="If an insect falls into a glass of Pepsi, then:
Throws the glass away and walks away.
Takes the insect out, and drinks the Pepsi.
Eats the insect, and throws the Pepsi away.
Sucks the Pepsi from the insect before throwing the insect and drinks the Pepsi.
Accuses the Indians of throwing the insect into his Pepsi before throwing away both the insect and the Pepsi and vows to reply in kind.
Accuses Pakistan for helping the insect to infiltrate into the glass, supplying it with nourishment to continue swimming in the Pepsi, blames it as a long term ISI operation, terms the insect as an Islamic militant, then an Afghan mercenary and finally a Pakistan SSG commando in undercover operation and presents the identity card of the bug to prove that it indeed is a Pakistan army personnel in an undercover operation to change the status of Line of Control, shows this guy on Zee News, Doordarshan, Star TV and other influential Indian channels saying it is bla bla (some common Muslim name) makes it speak Urdu, which obviously the insect doesn't know how to comprehend, and vows to defend every inch of the glass and every drop of the Pepsi and demands that the US should declare Pakistan a terrorist State!!!
" jokes[4]="Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and George W. Bush were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands, "Rubi!"
"Woof!" (it's the barking sound).
"Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!"
"Woof!"
"Press the white button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"George!"
"Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
" jokes[5]="You have two cows and you give one to your neighbour.
You have two cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
You have two cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
You have two cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
You have two cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell
them and retire on the income.
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a
consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
You have two cows. Both are mad.
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have two cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge others for storing them.
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
You have two cows. You worship until they drop dead!
" jokes[6]="A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A little boy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American." replied the little boy
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a PROUD PAKISTANI", boasts the little boy.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the little boy, "Why you are a PAKISTANI?"
"Well, my mom and dad are Pakistanis, so I'm Pakistani too."
The teacher is now angry.
"That's no reason", she says loudly, "If your mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile.
"Then", says the little boy "I'd be an American."
" var whichjoke=Math.floor(Math.random()*(jokes.length)) document.write(jokes[whichjoke])